Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The rollercoaster is going up....

So I'm sitting here listening to this Matt Wertz CD JoDee let me borrow, which is pretty good by the way.  It's the first night in a couple weeks where I haven't had anything to do for school the next day, and honestly, I find myself bored.  I'm actually thinking about working on a side project using skills I have learned in design class.  I'm struggling though this design program at school, but I'm getting better every day and I'm enjoying it.  I really feel like I have found my calling.

On another note, my financial life isn't quite stable right now.  I'm always broke, but I feel a job opportunity coming along soon.  My parents have been more than helpful in that department as well.

As far as my love life goes, well, that's still pretty out of whack, but I've been hanging out with a certain individual who is really into me and I didn't really give her a fair chance before.  I'm still not sure about things yet and I want to take it slow, but I see relationship potential someday.  I still think about Anna all the time, but it doesn't hurt so much anymore.  I don't find myself wishing I had her back, but I am coming closer to realizing how big of a mistake she made and how immature she was in handling everything.  I really am better off.

Well, that's really all I have to say for now, so I guess I'll just wrap it up!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

New year, more ups and downs

So 2011 started off with a kick.  I had a great time with some friends and started school again in a major that actually interests me.  Everything is going my way in that department, but I always feel like my life is unbalanced.  It seems like when I get one aspect of my life in check, another goes out of whack.  The one that really bothers me right now is my love life, or lack thereof at this point.  I've been crushed twice now, and I don't know how many more times I can risk that without being completely jaded.  I know I didn't do anything wrong in this last relationship, and yet, I STILL get burned.  I was a good guy.  Maybe that's the problem....

I'm always told how good of a guy I am and I do appreciate that to a point, but I'm not happy when I'm a good guy.  I was so happy last spring when I was just messing around with no regard for others feelings.  That may sound bad, but I really don't care anymore.  I'm tired of putting everyone elses needs ahead of my own.  I'm closer to 30 than 20 now, and it's high time I start doing what I want to do. 

I'm still not over Anna yet, and I don't know why.  Yes things got really serious, but it was only a two month relationship that ended in September.  I feel like I should just take a year off from dating and get my head straight.  I've talked to a couple people who have done it because of similar situations, and they said it was the best decision they ever made.  It's not like I'd find a quality person right now anyway, whenever I go out I just get blasted and my confidence is all but destroyed.  This just seems like the right move right now.

I like to end my posts with something that I've learned, but I really don't feel like I've learned anything other than the fact that Karma really doesn't exist.